He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
