It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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