Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize