I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
