no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
