you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry about my life...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
