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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

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• (786): View more from Florida

  And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.

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• (323): View more from California

  I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no

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