I didn't shave. On purpose
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
