Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do flat chested girls get laid?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
