I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
