we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
