He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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