I smell stomach acid.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
