awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
