Cold hands, warm shart.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
