Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
