1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
