I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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