What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
