Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
