Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
