The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
