I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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