i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
