dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
