dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
