You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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