Will you blow on my dice?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
