I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i now understand why vodka
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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