He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
