I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
