i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
