Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
