It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
