Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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