I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
