Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize