I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
