Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
