Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
