idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
