This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
