His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize