just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
