I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I skipped work to stalk him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
