one might say we're banned from that church
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize