im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
