Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
