very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
