She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
