Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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