Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
