Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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