i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
