I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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