Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
