No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
