overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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