Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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