and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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