She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
