Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
