Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
