I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
