i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
