god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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