You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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