i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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