Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
